The Yoga Project: The Beginning of my Destruction (Day 4)

Something happened to me in class tonight.  Yoga happened.  (dun dun dun – insert melodramatic orchestra here).
I left class crying and feeling defeated.  It will take more than a simple blog-post to fully comprehend what is happening to me.  I believe it’s transformation.
The word “transformation” seems to be this ethereal new age term that cannot be explained in a pragmatic manner.  That is precisely how I feel about my strong emotional reaction to a physical practice.  Yoga is hard, much more difficult than many things that I’ve done and emotionally, I’ve barely scratched the surface.
There is a saying about destruction being necessary in order to rebuild (rebirth).  I believe I’m currently in the destructive phase right now.  I can only hope the plans I lay out after this phase are better than what I am currently in the process of destroying.
Through this I am realizing what yoga really is.  It is a challenging practice.  It is rigorous for your mind and body.  Yoga is a mindset, it is not a destination, it is not a competition, and it is far more than I understand right now.  It is powerful.
There’s something to be said about finding your breath through the discomfort of this process and being able to hold the pose.  I feel as though I am going to be here for a while.

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  1. Anonymous - January 6, 2012

    I've actually cired during yoga. The first time I left class wondering what the hell was worng with me. The third or fourth time I tried to remember if there were any similarities in my experiences. I noticed that after certain poses in Bikram, I experience a wave of emotion and will sometimes cry. It's not an audible cry, but instead it's like a stream of tears start to flow from my eyes (thank God I'm so sweaty so you really can't notice).I wouldn't describe my feelings as "defeated" but instead relief. I also noticed that this usually happens if I'm really stressed out, more than usual. I spoke to my instructor about it (after a year of having these types of experiences) and he said that it was very normal to get emotional during yoga. He explained that certain poses release hormones that cause you to get emotional and have the urge to cry. I found it interesting. Namaste :)

  2. GuerreraBella - January 6, 2012

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s so good to know that this happens to other people too. I think the feelings I felt of defeat thinking that “I’m not strong enough to do that pose.” I had a really hard time silencing the inner critic inside and she was not very nice or kind to me. Isn’t it crazy how powerful yoga is?

  3. Anonymous - January 10, 2012

    white people problems…

  4. BeccaB - January 11, 2012

    I've been practicing since I was 15. My mother encouraged me by buying me a subscription to Yoga Journal (which I still read today – almost 10 years later). I did it curb my angst-y energy and anger, and because even as a clueless teen I valued discipline of the mind and body. Being out of control just wasn't an option. Yoga offered a coping exercise that I could practice anywhere at any time.It provides a sense of self (both physically and mentally) that very few activities (or vocations) can offer. Yoga is how I check myself – like a car emissions test for the body. "Do I feel good? Have I lost some flexibility in this hip? Can I calm my 'monkey mind' for my sun salutations? How long did it take?" Answers to these questions and more dictate how often I practice, what I eat, and WHAT yoga I need. Sometimes it's a vigorous vinyasa or a restorative hatha. Other times, I just need to lay in shavasana and do some visual meditation. At work, I often indulge in "hand yoga" – or mudras.Yoga is medicine, and as you said "it is powerful." Currently, I am doing research on pregnancy yoga as my spouse and I hope to start a family soon. When pregnant, a woman's body (and the baby) are in a constant state of change, but I want yoga to be the constant factor as it has been all these years! It's good to know yoga still moves people. Some just partake for the physical challenge, but there's more to it if you want there to be. Thank you for sharing! Your article provided today's afternoon meditation and writing exercise.

  5. GuerreraBella - January 12, 2012

    hahahaha! I'm not white so I'd prefer 1st world problems for next time. Thanks!