I’m horrible at love poems

So I may have married and divorced this guy in my head in this poem.  I wrote it a while ago and can’t even remember his name now. Funny how those things work.
The Worst Lover I Never Had
I like to get ahead of myself
And everyone else around me
So I’m writing you some romantic poetry
About moments that have yet to occur between us
Like those picnics on that windy day and me in that dress
My head on your lap while you passed cherries through my lips
All our Sunday bike rides against the skyline along great lakes
To our favorite little restaurant to eat al fresco
And we drank too much then which led to our first fight
Stupid arguments about theories of relativity and concepts of reality
But at least the makeup sex was good
In today’s world, we’ve had one conversation
About a month ago and I’ve probably deliberated
About approximately 8 hours since
About how I can accidentally run into you or
Maybe I should call, leave you a message
But that’s coming on way too strong and you haven’t responded
Meanwhile I’ve bitten off all my nails in the process
So much so that plucking my guitar strings
Feels so painful and sounds so flat to me
So I’m back to writing this stupid poetry
I’m seriously considering adding new rules
To the etiquette of dating which to include:
If you crush the hopes of a cute girl that likes you
You must submit to her a list of your ten worst habits
So she can easily envision how horrible dating you would be
And come to think of it, I cannot stand your snoring
Or how you always leave the seat up and you have no tact
In fact, you’re slightly crass and God, I can’t stand
That clicking thing you do with your tongue.
Additionally, I’ve always hated your stupid pet names for me
And I think it’s about time we talked about us
It’s not me – it’s you, you see cause I have no idea
Why I would fall for someone pretentious like you anyway
I am today now.  Realizing I’m horrible at love poems.
Yours always,
Jen

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