Guilt-Trippin’ in the U.S.A.

My lovelies,
Somehow this blog has become like this really sick relative that will completely chastise you if you don’t call every other day.  I don’t know how it happened really, but it’s become this crying baby that I birthed and I never imagined so demanding.
This post is inspired by GUILT!!  That little gnawing feeling you have when you did or probably didn’t (if you’re Catholic) do anything wrong.
My mother (she always comes up in our conversations, Blog) is the master of making you feel guilty for just about everything in your life (especially when you don’t call).  As a consequence I’ve grown immune.
My immunity allows me to do the following:
  • Tell new parents that I’ve DEFINITELY seen cuter babies.
No Mommy!  I don’t want to bite on the stick!
  • Tell my dog that she would be much better as a mop because she’s so hairy and then try to get her to bite hard on a long stick so I can drag her across the floor.
  • Tell funny jokes about dead babies.
  • Tell even funnier jokes about dead babies that were mutilated in some way and or stock piled…
  • Drive a Hummer.
  • Drive a Hummer full of food and fresh milk through Africa passing all the hungry famous children from t.v.!
  • Pour a bunch of motor oil on top of seagulls’ heads in the Pacific Ocean.
  • Take pictures of said seagull and laugh hysterically while tweeting them and face-booking them to all my closest 402 friends.
You may get this image texted to you later with a “hahahahaha” as the caption.
  • Float leisurely on a huge iceberg while watching Polar Bears drown
and finally:
  • Vote Libertarian and Green in really tight elections.

Share This Post