Advice FROM THE FUTURE!

Dear Jen last night,

This is future Jen from this morning.  Please listen to my following suggestions prior to drinking Makers Mark like it’s water and you’re in the middle of the desert.

  1. Dead baby jokes are not a good conversation starter with every single boy you find attractive.  STOP bringing it up.
  2. Hooking up your i-pod to the bar’s sound system and dancing to Le Tigre by yourself isn’t as cool as you thought it was last night…oh and look someone took pictures.  Future Jen from this morning had to do a lot of begging and bribing and other unsavory things to get those pictures back..
  3. I know I said no dead baby jokes already but I really want to make sure you get this through your head.
  4. Apparently, you lie a lot when you’re drunk.  Apparently, you also gave your real number to someone who just texted you “I’d love to hear more about your recent trip to Thailand and the elephants..”  WHAT?!  a)Who did you give your number to and why would you give them your number when God knows what else you made up about yourself? b) Thailand?  Elephants?!?!  SERIOUSLY?!?  Future Jen is super pissed off right now.
  5. You need to pick better wingmen/wingwomen for this type of thing.  Your wingman last night sat across from you and your new friends telling everyone that they “were so young and beautiful”  all night while you were telling dead baby jokes.  It was doomed from the start.
Happy as a clam, weren’t you?  Before the madness..
In conclusion, my dearest Jen from last night, you were a mess last night, but from all the hilarious and slightly weird texts from this morning it seems like it was a fun night.  Just don’t do it again.
Love,
Jen FROM THE FUTURE!

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