I’ve been talking to a lot of my friends lately about relationships and men (a usual topic of conversation for a 20-something females).
There has been this trend to have ambiguous relationships with men that defies social standards or definitions for many of my friends. Example being that new Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher flick.
Your future grandkid: “ what did he do in the neighborhood, grandma?”
You: “Bring grandma some more whiskey and I’ll tell you all about it…”
This is going nowhere good….
I have mixed feelings about the ambiguous relationships. The hippie in me wants to think let’s all be free and just be who want to be without needing to define anything. Then there comes this very traditional voice I recognize saying friends don’t cross certain lines.
Like most things without structure and rules, it’s gotten complicated. My friends gush over their wine discussing their ambivalence between being free or attached and how the happy medium they’ve stumbled into isn’t so happy. It’s complex; it’s this dark terrain where there are no maps and guides to get them out safely. Oh and let’s not even get started on the emotional turmoil. It’s like constant purgatory. There’s no way out unless it’s back to friendship or a committed relationship.
But my friends don’t want to be committed to a partner right now, nor will they commit to being alone. They want to be free, yet they want the comfort of knowing that someone will hold them. They want to date other people, yet want to have a good old stand by guy they can call when they feel lonely. They want to not belong to anyone and yet feel a sense of belonging to someone when it’s convenient.
This is creating this hybrid of a friend and lover where you agonize over text messages or tones in voices but can’t ask what they meant because that would mean you’re disclosing some sort of emotion towards the other person that shouldn’t be there. Also, emotions and feelings? Where did those stupid things come from and why are they here now? They have no place in this sort of arrangement. They are not supposed to exist here in purgatory.
Is it just human nature to not want to be alone? Is there a certain validation we women feel to have a man stand next to us? Is being alone, truly alone, such a dreadful circumstance that we can’t fully commit to it? Or are we just non-committal by nature?